My path to confident performances and college outbreaks.
I firmly believe that I always knew who I was. I believe I always knew that I was created to create. I am a creator and I create art. Sharing it with the world was not always the easiest, and it was quite frustrating.
Auditioning is where it began. Whenever I step into an audition room, I think of the scene from ‘La La Land’ where Mia (Emma Stone) is expressing how she believes she isn’t good enough.
It’s a dreadful feeling when you walk into an audition room.
The consistency of everyone looking exactly like you with slight changes is enough to make my stomach turn every time. If the character calls for brown hair and bangs, what qualities do YOU have that make you stand out? Why are YOU being cast? These questions made me ponder on how I treated my auditions for years.
I auditioned for Marty Maraschino in Grease because of the way I looked. I thought if I curled my hair tight enough, I could achieve the original Dinah Manoff look.
There will always be a hole in my heart that needs sewn after auditions, but it always gets seemingly easier.
The real villain is the fear of standing out.
When you desperately want something so bad, you work hard for it. That is what I believed I had done in the moment, until I didn’t get a role my junior year of high-school. That was my third year in a row being cast as an ensemble member in the musical. I truly believed I was a failure.
I asked what I had done wrong in my audition. I was told I looked scared while doing dialogue, which is why he did not cast me.
So I took that fear and worked with it.
I last minute signed up for a super cool rap duet in my choir Christmas Concert. I was scared to do anything solo, so my best friend Abby and I did something together. This was my first step.
This gave me feedback from peers which kickstarted my career. I was so proud of myself, and knew I had to keep going. I auditioned for a solo in my spring concert, and achieved it with shaky hands. I then decided to take one final audition for Concert Choir, and with truckloads of effort and feedback, I got in.
I did not get into the Musical Theater program at Kent State. I think I remember rejection day a little too well.
That’s all part of the job. You win some, and you lose some. My senior year was filled with two roles, one supporting and one leading. It was filled with three choir solos, and two scholarships won.
I auditioned for my first college show. This role was already known to me all-too-well, and yet I had never read the script before.
Suzie the Banshee was a anxiety-ridden fashionista who screamed and had panic attacks during the whole show. This was my outlet for the bottled up ‘fear’ that killed me my junior year. The way I got over my stage fright was recognized in the highlight of this show.
Beta Theta Omicron highlighted themes of found-family and friendships. Friendships pushed me to be the best I could be.
So, when I am asked how I got over my stage-fright, I look back at the 16 year old girl who felt as if she had nothing. I flashback through the events in my head, and explain how personal growth was not the biggest factor. It was the endless support of those who I love.